What are your internet rules?

Though I think the internet is about 85% great and 15% gak-awful-horror, my ratios change quite a bit when I think about my kids being on it. 


I mean, have you ever read the comments on a YouTube video? Even an adorable :10 film of a puppy chasing a kitten will have someone saying, "Your a f*cker and suc* donkey b*lls". Doesn't anyone remember that "you're" needs an apostrophe? Makes me weep for humanity.


In our home, we have parental controls on everything from the laptops to my iPhone. The kids know that YouTube is verboten unless I am with them. And only my 11 year old has an email account, and no way/no how are they getting on Facebook anytime soon.


But, they are now old enough to leave the house on their own, those darned growing-up kids. And, I no longer accompany them on every play date. They even have friends with their own devices: iPod Touches,  iPads, and access to their home computers.


So now what? If I find them huddled around a device in my presence, I tell them to shut it off and go outside to play. But, when I'm not there? Now what? 


I've thought about approaching parents and asking, "Do you have parental controls on your kids' devices?" But then I think I'll go from being That Weird Homeschooling Parent, to That Weird Overprotective, Nosy, Pushy Homeschooling Parent (who doesn't let her kids read The Hunger Games).


My husband has asked a friend for a copy of the Internet Contract he's had his kids sign. I like this idea though I think any memory of a "contract" probably goes out the window as soon as a friend says, "You've GOT to see this!"


How do you mamas of older kids handle this? Do you tell your kids' friends to put away the devices in your home? Host every play date so they are always under your roof? Lock them in their room until they are 18? (Oh I could never do that. I read Flowers in the Attic.)


But, seriously, I'd really appreciate your input on this one. When my oldest expressed frustration at me when I was talking this over with her, I said, "Listen, this is new territory. There WAS NO INTERNET when I was a child." 


"Wait? Not even email?"


Sigh. These kids don't really understand.

The kids are ruining my appetite for The Hunger Games

I came to The Hunger Games late. It was while I was reading Suzanne Collins' juvenile series Gregor out loud to my children that I heard that she had also written a Young Adult series. The Hunger Games name rang a bell, so I decided to read it. In a weekend. Followed quickly by Catching Fire and Mockingjay.


The books left me breathless, sickened, upset, and gave me so much food for thought, it often took me a while to fall asleep at night if I was reading in bed.


In the meantime, I finished book 2 of the Gregor series and my oldest daughter asked me to please stop reading them out loud. While they are much (MUCH) less violent than The Hunger Games, this series has  enough suspense, death and suffering that my then-ten-year old was having trouble going to sleep at the end of a chapter. I ended up reading the remaining three books in that series alone. 


So it is interesting that this same daughter is now asking to read The Hunger Games. Why? Because "all the kids are reading it" according to some of her friends. And, yes, as soon as I heard that quote coming from the lips of a tween, my eyes rolled back in my head.


At first, I thought "eh, ignore it. Make a big deal about it and they'll be dying to read it." But, I have a big mouth and can't ignore anything, so I've been telling them why they can't read it. Whey they shouldn't read it. And now they think I'm the big, bad mama who doesn't let her kids read the most-hyped book since Harry Potter.


Hell, even my seven year old says he wants to read it despite the fact that he's still working his way through Easy Readers. 


Here's my gripe: The Hunger Games is not a Juvenile book. It is not even Tween. It's Young Adult. It's insanely violent and the violence is almost always against children. It's bloody and scary. It is NOT the next great novel for kids who have finished the Harry Potter series.


Listen, I get it. The kids want to be "in" on the next big thing. I'm pretty sure kids have read Twilight though I think that is also a YA title. And I snuck Forever out of the library at 16 so I could read about Ralph. (heh)


But, man, when I hear that nine year olds are reading The Hunger Games, it bums me out. 


And if I see them grabbing popcorn and settling into watching the movie with me, my eyes are going to roll. I won't be able to help it.


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If you are on the fence for your kids, check out Snarky Amber's excellent suggestions in today's MamaPop article called Is "The Hunger Games" Too Violent For Your Kids?"

Going Downton

Just before Valentine's Day, I tweeted that I had never seen Downton Abbey. To which some smart-alec I know tweeted this to about 200k followers:

As you can imagine, I heard from a "few" devotees who pretty much begged me to tune in for "at least the first season." 


So a few days later, with John by my side, we watched the first episode of the first season. Afterward, I tweeted, "t'was ok". 


My husband wanted to know why we didn't look like these women while we watched it.


But now, four episodes in, I'm starting to get the hang of it. You just have to step into that time and embrace their world view to truly experience those "WHOA!" moments with more oomph. Then, scenes like the Dowager Countess of Grantham's first experience with a swivel chair really is hilarious. And Lady Mary's acceptance of a male suitor to her bedroom makes your palms sweat in fear for her honor.


And so, I was truly immersed in the spirit of the day when we watched Lady Sybil proudly marched into the room in her new outfit and face her family.


"PANTS!", I stage-whispered to my husband in a mixture of shock and awe. And then giggled uncontrollably at how completely scandalous this had been to me.


Yes, Downton Abbey, you've got me hooked. I think my husband would still rather be watching The Walking Dead though.

Just do it (without sweating)

Last night, I got into a conversation with some moms of girls in eighth grade who were from different towns. The discussion was about their schools' gym classes and the fact that kids no longer change into "gym clothes".

After having a brief, yet horrifying, flashback to the ugly one-piece, zip-up gym uniform that I wore in sixth and seventh grade, I realized what they were saying: Kids in gym wear their "everyday" clothes from class, to gym, to class again. No peeling off sweaty tees, or removing wet gym socks, and certainly no quick shower on super-hot days.

I realize that Time In The Classroom is seen as sacred nowadays but I also think this is an interesting message to send tweens: Exercise is important, but if you don't want to stink up your entire biology class, you'd best take it easy. 

Sure, many kids play very competitive sports after school, often meeting every day of the school week. But, what about those kids who get very little physical activity, or kids at risk for obesity?

Or maybe gym class meets so infrequently nowadays that no one really believes it makes much of a difference.

----------------------------
Did you used to change for gym class? I honestly can't remember much about junior high/high school, but know we did through middle school. I also remember having to take swimming in first period of eighth grade which was a horror show for all girls who were wearing non-waterproof black eyeliner. Yes, that would include me.

The week I had four children

One month ago, I was putting sheets on the guest bed wondering if I'd soon be up with a sad child most of the night: They said that some kids get very homesick.

I had stocked my kitchen with macaroni-and-cheese, chicken nuggets and juice boxes: They said some kids weren't used to eating adventurously and shouldn't be forced to develop a new palate in just one week.

I had given the kids "the speech" about being polite and kind and understanding: They said that many kids may be very shy in their new surroundings.

I was prepared to protect our Fresh Air girl and ease her into our suburban life slowly. I was ready to hold her as she carefully tried to ride a two-wheel bike. Fasten a bubble around her waist when we got near water. Dry her tears when a bug landed on her or when she got homesick.

And then she arrived and taught us that not all city kids act the same.

Our girl was up for anything.

Ride a bike? Of course.

Swim? Sure!

Hungry? Yes, let me try that!

Tree? Pshaw, I can climb that!

No, I don't need to call my mom right now. And, can I just sleep in the girls' room instead of the guest room?

Where can we go today? Let's swim/play/dance/eat/enjoy/laugh/soak-it-all-in.

She wanted nothing to do with the Wii or even the television for most of her visit. If ever a child decide to embrace the experience put before her, she did it.

It was tiring at times. It wasn't easy every day. The kids didn't always get along perfectly. And a week's visit felt about long enough.

But it was hard to say goodbye too.

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If you live in New England or the Mid-Atlantic area and think you could host a child for a week during the summer, check out the Fresh Air website. It's an experience you won't forget.

Violated by SpongeBob

For the past couple of months, my five-year-old has been asking to watch "Fire Burning" on the computer. It took his older sisters to explain what the heck this means, and it turns out it refers to a YouTube video they've seen at a friends' house.

Someone has taken the popular(?) song by Sean Kingston(?) and crudely overlaid it to clips from SpongeBob SquarePants' episodes in this video. I say crudely because the characters' mouths hardly seem sync'd to the song's lyrics, but it seems harmless enough.

I was a bit bummed that they had first seen this video at a friends' home before I could see it, but when I learned of it, I put it on and watched it. Most of it. After watching SpongeBob, Patrick and the gang's goofy faces for a few minutes, I got up and wandered away, keeping the music on to hear the rest of the lyrics.

MISTAKE.

This weekend, with my son square in my lap, I was stuck with my eyes on the screen for the entire four-plus minutes of the song. And at 4:03, this is what I saw, appear on the screen

It was all I could do not to blurt out, "WHAT THE F*CK!" in front of my son. Instead, I quickly closed the screen and then started quizzing the kids:

"have you seen that word before?"

"why do you think it's there?"

"have any of your other friends mentioned it when they've seen the video?"

I told them why the word upset me so much. Why it had no business being there, and that the creator of the video obviously added it for shock value. Maybe he knew how many kids would stumble upon this video and watch it.

But, why put "rape" over a kids' video? What is the purpose?

I'd like to say that after this episode, my kids will never ever watch another video before I can screen it, ALL of it. But, the reality is they go to drop-off playdates now, and, even with parental controls on our computers, I'm not standing over them all the time. And there will be times they see things that I don't want them to see.

And the things they could see could be so, so, so much worse than a word, I know that. And maybe that is what bothers me most of all.

------------------

edited to add:

As my sis, Mrs Q, noted, the video now has a flag on it. Anyone who wants to watch the video has to plug in their birthdate which will deter some kids from seeing it. I have to give props to YouTube for putting up this up so quickly.

Wordless Wednesday: Happy New Year!

(photos taken by my husband in Boston's Chinatown for their New Year's Lion Parade on 2.21.10)

Got candy? Here's how to get rid of it

Do you wish there was more candy in your house right now?

Yeah, me neither. We have mounds of it here, in all its pre-packaged loveliness. For now, I'm stealing my kids' Butterfingers, but in a few days I'm going to want it out of the house. Yet the thrifty part of me just can't toss it in the trash.

So, instead, I'll send it overseas, where the good men and women in our military can enjoy the fruits of our trick-or-treating.

If this sounds interesting to you, I've found two relatively easy ways to do this:

1) Operation Gratitude: While Halloween Candy isn't exactly at the top of their list for "most needed" items, it is something they happily accept. They even suggest you hold a "candy collection drive" among your friends and neighbors (you must mail your packages before December 5th). I haven't seen their flyer, which you can request by emailing OPGrat@gmail.com, but think that all types of candy are ok, as long as it is individually wrapped (no homemade popcorn balls, perishable fruits or baked goods). They also are looking for personal letters for the troops, so now is a good time to have the kids do some cute holiday coloring pages to include with your candy.

Operation Gratitude's website is a little confusing, but details about where to mail (scroll to the bottom of the page) are listed on the site . Note that you are only paying to ship to California (not Iraq or Afghanistan), but you can include an $11 check to cover the cost of postage overseas--just send the check separately from your candy.

2) Another great way to unload your Halloween candy is to check out the Any Soldier website. Here, packages are delivered to individuals volunteers who then pass them on to soldiers who don't get much mail. That soldier then shares his package with his troop.

I found this website even more confusing than Operation Gratitude, but there are a ton of FAQ's to help you along. Any Soldier is great if you really want to specify which branch of the armed services your package is to go (look at menu under "Home"). You are also more likely to hear back from the recipient of your package since it goes to a specific Any Soldier volunteer. These volunteers may also request other things their troops need, so you can round out your care package with more than candy if you so desire.

Now, aren't you glad you let the kids talk you into two straight hours of trick-or-treating?

Sometimes I just don't know what to think. . .

I saw a piece of paper fluttering down our street after the garbage trucks rumbled by the other morning.

Man, I've got some interesting neighbors.

It's In the Photograph

As if our town's Turkeygate hasn't been weird enough, I've been seeing the odd everywhere.

It started with a giant Mrs. Potato Head. That's her on my left.

Can't forget the gorgeous unicorn cake from MamaPop's Sparklecorn Party. And, yes, the rump was delicious (cake made by Chicago's Cake Girls and could be yours for a mere $1500!).

Back at home, there were twin double-yolk eggs that delighted the kids (and kind of scared me).

My son gained a little halo of plastic. As if I needed any proof that he was an angel.

And finally, a gas station that has its priorities straight.

Who knew Whoopie Pies were such a hot item?

I'm Pretty Sure the Bus Driver Would Never Shoot the Pigeon

The book was supposed to be called Don't Let the Turkey Drive the Motorcycle.

Instead it will need to be renamed, Don't Mess With the Motorcycle, Turkey, or the Police Will Pop a Cap Into Your Feathered Behind.

Yes, Freddy the turkey met with the long arm of the law and was shot to death on Friday by our town's police.

What was the crime? An unnatural, some say obsessive, love of motorcycles. . . and donuts.

Freddy loitering outside our local Dunkin Donuts and trying to look nonchalant next to the hunka hunka burnin' love next to him.

But, when Freddy flew in anger at a motorcyclist who tried to kick him, the jig was up. Under advisement from our state's wildlife organization, this turkey had become too much of a nuisance and was not recommended for return to the wild.

(memorial erected in honor of Freddy)

RIP Freddy. It's too bad more people can't slow down enough to see the humor of a turkey that love donuts, motorcycles and strolling down a suburban street in broad daylight.

Red, White, Blue and SUN!

There is sun this morning in Massachusetts (and Woody is no where to be heard)!

Happy Fourth of July to all who celebrate.

Here's what the kids will be watching this morning before we head out to the parade:

Let's Hope He Doesn't Check the Phone Bill

When was the last time you reached out and touched someone?

No, not like that. I mean, just called or wrote to an old friend, neighbor or relative with whom you used to share huge chunks of time. (And, no, just "friending" them on some social media site doesn't count.)

Recently, my husband found an old friend on Facebook. But, more than just adding him to a long list of "friends", they've actually spoken and made plans for our two families to meet this month.

So, it is in that spirit that my dear husband has gone and started a Movement of sorts, to see if other people might be interested in reconnecting with those long, lost souls of our past:

Beginning today, you are all invited to reconnect with a few old friends and family members. If you do it, write about it on your blog or Facebook page, or send me a postcard if you do not yet use the internet to broadcast your personal life to the masses. Let's spread the love. And, hope that not too many of us hear a phone slam in our ear when we cheerfully re-introduce ourselves.

Think of this as an active meme. C'mon, it'll give us something to write about this week.

You can even borrow the fancy button above. I'm generous like that.

After this week, I could use a laugh

1. My 4-year-old son took a look at this dearly departed person's gravestone today and said, "Mommy! Guitar Hero!":



(no sorry, honey, your father would be draped over the grave weeping if that were the case).


2. This was an actual entry in the latest Police Log in our newspaper:

3:06 p.m. - Caller reported an injured wild turkey at the Highland Plaza, Robert Drive. Animal Control Officer responded, reported turkey was now sun-bathing in a bush does not look injured.

Hope that turkey got a nice tan (and a side of gravy).

Have a lovely weekend all. We'll be hitting 80! See you on the flip side.

I Can Stop Anytime

Hello, my name is Fairly Odd Mother, and I am an addict.

When I told my oldest, eight-year-old Belly, that Monday starts TV Turnoff Week, she asked me, a bit mischievously, "Does that include the computer too?"

Without a beat, and because I was cranky, I said, "Yes, it means all screen time."

"You too?"

Crap. What about me indeed.

Even though we did this in '07 and '08, I have never really participated in TV Turnoff Week. I just wait until they are sleeping and then I flick on whatever show I want to see and, well, cheat. Heck, isn't this week created to get KIDS off of the screen, not their parents. Right? RIGHT?!

But, honestly turning off the TV? That wouldn't be all that hard---I have a zillion book recommendations from you all (I just finished reading Geek Love. Whoa boy, is that one messed up book!), and while I'd miss my Tough Love for the week, I'd survive. But the computer? Well, that is where things get sticky.

First, I have a job. And, I have two (soon three) blogs to keep current. I pay bills online, my calendar is on the computer, I order library books through the library website. I am known to search for "quick dinner recipes" at 5pm many nights a week. And email is how most people keep in touch with me (I loath the phone).

But, I also love Twitter. I have 120 blogs in my Reader. I have a Facebook account. I turn to my laptop when I'm bored, when the kids are playing together, when the house is asleep and I'm alone with the TV.

And, yeah, I turn to it too much.

So, for Belly, I will go dark (ish). I will still do my work, and will not hesitate to look something up on the internet for our homeschool or to check the calendar. I'll check email 2-3 times a day (believe me, that is a huge cut back). I may update my blog(s), but at night, after the kids are sleeping.

And, the TV will go dark except for my daily workouts for Team Bob (no one is messing with my quest for a six pack!).

But, no Facebook, no Twitter. Period. No Google Reader (but seriously, if something major happens in the blogosphere, please email me, okay? I don't want to miss a major joy or tragedy because of this test of willpower).

And, no TV.

If the kids can do it, so can I, right? wimper


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Tragically, another blogging mama lost a child a few days ago. My heart goes out to Gorillabuns whose son Thalon died unexpectadly. As a fellow mom to two girls and then one precious little boy, I can't even imagine the pain she must be going through with the loss of her little man.

Going Purple and Tie Dye

Purple has been my favorite color ever since I fell for Donny Osmond and his purple socks.

But, alas, my blog background is now purple for a sadder reason: to remember Maddie. The purple is for the March of Dimes, and if you want to feel some of the the love, take a look at the amount of donations raised so far in Maddie's memory.

And, while you're looking, make a donation yourself.

I've struggled this week to write a post after my last one---it seems heartless to write a post about some mundane little thing.

To get me started, though, I'll leave you with something for Easter: our eggs.



Cool, eh? We made them using this kit, but you can also DIY with these instructions. Just make sure you get the OK on your selections with the tie-wearing member of your household.



And have a safe and happy Easter.

Madeline Spohr

A little girl died yesterday. She was only 17 months old.

I have been thinking about her all day and about the pain her parents must be feeling right now.

I don't feel like I have the right to introduce you to Maddie and her parents since there are so many others who knew her better than I. Instead, I will point you to Blog Nosh Magazine which has dedicated their front page to little Maddie and her parents Heather and Mike.

And, after you have caught your breath, please consider donating to the March of Dimes---Maddie was born prematurely and was going to participate in the March for Babies later this month with her parents.

And hug your babies a little tighter this week. I know I will.

Come You-Tubing With Me

If I don't see the sun soon, I may develop a permanent twitch.

If you are in the same boat (ha, no "ark" reference intended), you may want to waste a little time watching some of my favorite You Tube videos of kids' music. With the kids, of course.

OK, I shared mine, will you share yours with me?

And I thought the worst thing on Nickelodeon was Jimmy Neutron

Do you remember Nipplegate '04? That was when Janet Jackson's nipple "accidentally" jumped out of her top during the Superbowl Halftime show, and the entire world went bananas.

Where are those bananas now?

I just read on Gray Matter Matters that none other than The Pussycat Dolls performed at Nickelodeon's Kids' Choice Awards last week.

The Pussycat Dolls? The ones who did this song? (definitely not safe for kids & I'm proud that this is the only song of theirs I know).




Whoa.

Let's see: the target audience for the Kids' Choice Awards is, um, KIDS. And, apparently, loads of them:

(from Kids Choice Awards Press Kit):

Highlights of Nickelodeon's 2009 Kids' Choice Awards include:

• This year's show scored its biggest overall audience ever! A record-breaking 7.7 million total viewers (P2+) tuned into the slimiest Kids Choice Awards yet, marking the fourth consecutive year of growth with this demographic.
• The live telecast earned its biggest kids 2-11 audience ever — an 11.0/3.8 million K2-11 — trumping last year's show, the previous record holder.
• This year's show was the highest-rated and most-watched with kids 6-11, averaging a 14.2/3.0 million K6-11.
• The show averaged a record 13.7/2.9 million T9-14 — its highest rating ever with tweens — and posted gains of +10% over last year.
• A record 4.6 million households (a 4.7 rating) tuned into the show.

That's a whole lotta bugged-out eyeballs watching that show.

Who are the Pussycat Dolls? One would hope their image isn't all R-rated. Well, here is the first image I saw when I Googled their name:



Lovely. You know, if my husband wants to ogle them, more power to him. My eight-year-old daughter though? No thanks.

Need more? The Pussycat Dolls originally started as a burlesque group. "Burlesque" is defined as "A variety show characterized by broad ribald comedy, dancing, and striptease." Somehow I don't see them doing "broad ribald comedy".

The group has also "been criticized for its overtly sexual image and explicit dance routines" in the past.

And this is who Nickelodeon thinks is appropriate for their huge audience of kids ages 2-11?

Really?

Nickelodeon, I no longer trust you to provide any entertainment to my children.

Really.

Stereotypes are alive and well in your toy store

Girls can do anything.

Girls are powerful.

Girls can get dirty, play sports, wrestle and tumble and burp and make noise.

Right?

Let's pretend you are from another planet and came upon Target's Spring 2009 "Kids" catalog. Look at the cover and you'd see a little girl actively bouncing on a pogo stick:




Cute, eh?

But, then, inside, you come to the section titled "Twirly Girls". Now, as a total stranger to Earth, how would you describe these creatures known as "girls"?



frilly, dainty, princess-like?



obsessed with branding, fashion, pink?



forever daydreaming about becoming a princess or a bikini bimbo?



nurturing, motherly, sweet?



happy homemakers-to-be?


And, what about the boys? Here is what you'll see in the circular under "Wonder Boys". How you describe these strange creatures, oh Visitor From Another World?




active, fast, noisy?



competitive, sports-loving?



gadget and action-loving?

As Ilina wrote on Deep South Moms, "if you wander the toy section (of Target) you will see a clear gender delineation. The kitchen stuff is all pink and ruffly. Even presumably unisex things such as instruments and hand held games scream with cotton candy pink and rugged camouflage. The toys geared toward boys are so jacked up with testosterone that I find myself puffing out my chest in a show of manliness."

And here I thought we'd come a long way, baby. I thought boys could be nurturing, dream-filled chefs. Wasn't there a song on Free to Be You and Me about William and his doll? And, what happened to girls playing sports, being strong and wanting to grow up to be more than Barbie?

Whose fault is this? Is it us for buying into these gender stereotypes?

I'd like to say no but I clearly recall a mom I know quaking in fear that her young son had asked for a toy kitchen. A kitchen! She was worried because this was a "girl toy".

And, I recall a neighbor seeing my son with red painted toenails last summer. I had painted them when I painted the girls' toes figuring, "heck, it's just paint and he's three"---not exactly a prime peer-pressure age. This neighbor (a man) said to my son, "you'd better not let your daddy see those toes!".

Give me a break.

I have nothing against girls wanting to play with Barbies, but realize that my son plays with them too, albeit differently than his sisters (he likes to drive them around in a Barbie-mobile). They all play with Legos, toy cars, dress-up clothes, stuffed animals, arts and crafts, even the "girlie" play kitchen. They all use their newly obtained magic wands as weapons.

But, more than 35 years after Free to Be You and Me, we are still being told that girls are "sugar and spice" and boys are "snips and snails and puppy dog tails".

And we're buying it.