Goodie bags that don't suck

I think goodie bags get a bad rap at birthday parties. I kind of enjoy looking for neat little things to hand out at the end of our parties, and don't think I really end up spending more than I would if I just grabbed a bunch of trinkets.


Yes, if you are going to any section of a store called the "goodie bag section" or the dollar bin, the majority of stuff is going to be junk, but here are some of my favorite ideas that aren't junk at all:

* Make the craft you do during the party the main "goodie" they take home. One year, the girls painted tea-cup planters and I set them to dry while we ate cake and played games. Before they left, I put a little packet of flower seeds in their cup and sent them home. 

* Or, have a scavenger hunt for items that would sense for your party theme and let the guests "find" the items for their goodie bags. Just make sure you label each bag and set them by the front door to hand out at the end of the party. For my daughter's fairy party, the guests found bottles of bubbles, fairy wands, fairy wings, gel pens and stickers---yes, little trinkets but still pretty useable and they made sense for the party.


* LEGO lovers should check out the Fun Favor Pack with a real build-able toy that can go into a little goodie bag with a handful of Candy Blox. Or grab a bunch of Minifigures and let each child pick one on their way out---our local toy stores sells them for $2.99 each. Playmobil now has a version as well.


* Search Etsy for "recycled crayons", and you'll find so many different shapes and styles. These make a great gift for an art party or, really, any party where the guests are still of coloring age. 


* For my daughter's mock-sleepover, I found cute mugs for a dollar each. I then put a packet of cocoa and homemade chocolate-dipped plastic spoons inside for each guest.


* A movie party might send guests home with microwavable popcorn and, if you are one to splurge, a $5 Redbox gift card. We once did a $2.50 Blockbuster store gift card (which was the cost for a child's movie rental, but---alas---that option went the way of the dinosaur).


* Have a great local ice-cream place? Kids' cones are often under $3, and I've giving gift cards to each guest for one free cone. Make it extra cute by rolling up the gift certificate into an empty ice cream cone.


* For my son's pirate party, all the adults got a mini bottle of Pirate Bay Coconut Rum. Hey, any adult who sits through a kids' party deserves a little something too.


Feel free to add your own ideas for not-junky birthday party favors. After all, I still have three kids who keep having birthdays.

Too old to play?

A couple of weeks ago, a friend was telling me her son wanted to play soccer in their town's recreational league, but she had a problem. Her son was too old to be "a beginner".

Around here, soccer is a big deal (probably for you too?), with recreational leagues starting for kids as young as 3 and "travel soccer" teams---these require try-outs---beginning in third grade. You can spot the soccer kids pretty early---they can dribble and shoot and run like a grade-schooler before they can even tie their own cleats.

But, my friend's son is seven. And that bummed me out. Is seven now considered "too old" to start a sport?

She isn't alone in feeling this way. In fact, I clearly remember when Belly was playing first-grade soccer, and I looked over at the second graders playing and thought, "she's going to get crushed in there." To Belly, soccer was fun, social and not really all that competitive. But the girls in the grade above were a well-oiled machine at seven. I can understand my friend's hesitation to throw her son into it.

Another example: My friend's daughter is a gifted gymnast, but never took a serious gymnastics class until she was ten. When she began, she was told that she may be too old to get onto the more competitive track because of her age---the other girls had started training much, much younger. (thankfully, I think her ability convinced them otherwise, but if she had been 11 when she started? probably not)

Want to play football? Don't wait too long. . .our town's third graders start practicing daily in August. . . if you wait until junior or (gasp) high school to try out for a sport, you'll be years in training behind some of your peers.

What about ballet? Jilly's Pre-Ballet class had only one ten-year-old in it; everyone else was younger. Not such a big deal if you are small, but a tall twelve year old would tower over her much-younger classmates.

Now, to be fair, I don't think that most of these classes/teams/groups overtly state that older kids can't join in----but older kids will surely notice that everyone seems to have gotten on board a lot earlier than they, and I imagine this discourages a lot of kids from even trying.

What do you think?

Is this a parent-created problem in that we're worried about our kid being the worst one on the stage/field/mat, so we discourage them from starting something much later than their peers?

Or, do you think your kids don't want to try out for something new because they'd be starting at square one when their friends are already on square 15?

Breaking up the house party

At last count, I've planned/hosted/cleaned up over 24 kids' birthday parties in my home (that number isn't exact, but let's go with it, ok?).

I've thrown fairy parties, pirate parties, outer space parties. There have been mock sleepovers, luaus and first birthday parties where the theme is only "Red things". I have had Candy Land, LEGO/Star Wars, Alice in Wonderland and Dora-licensed character thingymabobs. All at home.

Now, D, my littlest, is staring down the days until he turns seven (in three weeks! ack!) and I thought maybe we'd have a camping party (like this one, but as if hillbillies threw it because there is no way I'm sewing that tent or painting wooden signs or even ordering expensive cookies from NYC)

Not-so-little D thought about it, shook his head and said, "no".

Oh-kay what would you prefer?

"A math and chess party." (here is where I realize I have not explained to my readers that my cute blond-haired boy has morphed into a kid who considers his math/chess class to be the pinnacle of fun) (insert homeschooling joke here).

But, you know, I can roll. . .a math/chess party may be hard, but it could be fun! Division cookies! Subtraction relays! A Pawn Pinata! I could almost see it!

And then he said the words, "And I want it at Frenzy's" which is some indoor padded play space in which you throw children and let them bounce and flop until they are a sweaty mess, while the adults presumably sit calmly watching coffee and texting.

Oh, and because all play spaces need to position themselves as being enriching and educational in some way, this place has a mechanical bull. Yes.

yeehaw, I can handle the bull, mama!

I smiled and thought, "eh. . .those places are always a million bucks, make you eat their crappy cake---I like cake WAY too much---and are so far away". And then I checked the website.

Under $200 for a party where you can bring the cake and do the invitations (oh, and it does NOT include use of the mechanical bull---the more expensive party does, but I consider this a downside of spending more) (my kids can learn how to ride a mechanical bull when they are drunk and 24 like normal people). AND, this place is right down the street.

This may put a screeching halt to my home-party streak.

And I wonder if there is a way to work in math relays while the kids run around the room.

Wordless Wednesday: Through the looking glass

Photos from Jilly's Eighth Birthday party

My little Alice, barcode and all

first craft: painting tea cup planters; followed by lots of hand washing

Mad Hats extra fun: ring a bell every few minutes to make them change positions so they don't end up with their starting hat

You wanna know why they are really called "mad hats"? because this is what your floor looks like after they are done making them

Oh, hello Smiley

Not so happy now. . .

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Happy Birthday to my beloved daughter

Resources: party printables from Paper & Cake; tea cup planters, red rose ring pops & hats from Oriental Trading; Alice costume from One Step Ahead; copied this cake concept

Wordless Wednesday: Life is Good

Some photos from the most awesome Life is Good two-day festival. We attended Sunday's festivities.

Ahhh, Belly, you are so right. . .

Kids' stage performers The Sippy Cups in all their wackiness.

I Am Not Your Broom! (it was hard to tell who was more excited to see They Might Be Giants: the kids or the adults).

Belly watching her first "rock" show, OK Go (great set, btw!)

Love these guys. And the kids too.

For once, Belly thinks my blog is cool: It gave us access to the very chill Chase Freedom Tent with airbrush tattoos, free candy and food.

Zoinks! The coolest balloon hat evah!

We also got to see Laurie Berkner and Dan Zanes perform, play tug-o-war (kids vs. adults--guess who won?), watch BMX bikes soar through the air, and make sure we exhausted the kids with lots of running around on top of a parachute.

Not a bad way to spend a Sunday, eh?

----------------------------------------------------

And I realize this isn't exactly a "Wordless" Wednesday post, but it's pretty good for me!

My little pirate's birthday party

I was just putting the photos from D's 5th birthday party into an album (yes, I still do albums, albeit one year late), which made me remember what a fun party this was. . .

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My son, D, told me he wanted a pirate party for his 5th birthday. Since his birthday is in September, I was able to scoop him up a Halloween costume from Old Navy and he ended up wearing it for his party AND Halloween.

For decorations, I used some basic clip art and black poster board to make some signs like this:

I also purchased the Pirate Party from Paper and Cake which gave me super cute printouts like little signs for the food ("subs" of course):

and Pirate Booty:

and cake:

To create the ship, I followed the directions from Parenting, and I am so happy with how it came out.

What to do with the little ruffians:

Along with some temporary tattoos, balloon swords (thanks Auntie K!) and a 2x4 on the ground (to "walk the plank"), the main activity was making Pirate Flags. I printed out pirate symbols and bought some sticker letters, along with a few cheap black plastic tablecloths that I made "flag sized". With some wooden dowels and double-sided tape, all the kids were able to make their own Pirate Flag.

After making flags, the kids went back to whacking each other with balloon swords or playing with some of our Playmobil Pirate toys before eating lunch (subs and hot dogs for the kids and grown ups).

Almost every Pirate Party you read of has a Treasure Hunt in it, and D's party was no exception. There was only one thing I changed and that was to make the hunt more collaborative and less competitive since I had kids ages 3-11 at the party. I hate to see little kids cry when they can't keep up with the big kids.

The general premise was that the pirates had to all work together to get to the treasure. There were several "tasks" they had to perform first.

Task 1: Free themselves

The pirates had all been captured and needed to break free to search for treasure! Each one was given a black balloon that was attached to a rope with a loop on the end (their "ball and chain"). With the loop around their foot, and the balloon at the end of the rope, they had to help "free" each other by stomping on the balloons (but not their own!).

Outcome: This was very funny to watch and took all of 30 seconds to finish. It took a good bit more time for me to blow up all those balloons.

Task 2: Search for treasure

Greedy pirates can't help themselves and start digging in the first place they can find: The sandbox. Luckily, there are some jewels: each pirate got to keep three plastic rings and a few gold coins that were buried in the sand.

Outcome: I don't care the age or gender---kids love to dig for stuff.

Task 3: Prepare the ship for a long journey

Pirates often suffer from scurvey because they don't get enough fresh fruit while out on the ocean. So to protect our pirates, they had to load their ship up with fresh fruit. To do this, I took the GIANT bag of plastic balls we already owned and put them in our kiddie pool. The kids had to carry as many balls, I mean fruit, down our little hill and into waiting containers. The task wasn't complete until all the balls had been transported.

Outcome: Hilarious. Awesome. They took this so serious, I laughed the entire time. Every age could do this too which was great.

Task 4: Enemy attack!

I wasn't able to find cheap little toy boats, so I grabbed plastic egg cartons and separated them. With a little play-dough at the bottom of each one, they floated upright in a tub of water. The kids then took pennies and stood a few feet away and had to try to use the pennies to sink the "enemy ships".

Outcome: Cute idea, but started taking a long time since the egg cartons needed several pennies in them to sink. The kids ended up standing over the "ships" and dumping handfuls of pennies on them, but it was fine and cost almost nothing to create.

Task 5: Swab the deck

Pirates are messy souls, so each child had to take their turn to "swab the deck" (er, driveway) of a few ping-pong balls.

Outcome: The older kids did fine, but this was much trickier for the little kids, since I was trying to get them to put the balls into buckets.

Task 6: Treasure!

The last clue led them to find the Treasure, aka, big pinata.

Outcome: As long as no one gets bonked over the head, it's hard to screw up with a pinata.

The Rest:

There was cake time, of course:

Gifts were given:

And a few sea shanties to end out the day:

Super fun, not too expensive (lots of DIY options) and great on a nice day. I also love that a lot of the kids dressed up for the party (as did some of the adults). I bought most of the party supplies, like hats and pirate-themed goodies, from Century Novelty (the hats, in particular, were awesome).

Oh, and all the adults left with mini bottles of Parrot Bay Coconut Rum. Hey, we aren't always G-rated.

Wordless Wednesday: The Mini Mosh Pit

This is what happens when we make our kids wait a few minutes in a store with cool music and big mirrors. . .thankfully, no one tried to crowd surf.

Wordless Wednesday: I love Brooklyn edition

Just one photo today, and a few words:

Jilly and I spent three days in Brooklyn both for work and fun. I attended the most awesome kids' music conference, Kindiefest, and spent loads of time with a very dear friend (I almost said "old friend", but I'm getting of the age when I prefer not to call anything "old" but my kitchen).

Oh, and I cut all my hair off the day before we left.

'Twas a lot of fun. More stories to come.

Can you live a creative life if you aren't crafty?

I've joked that I have ADD of Craft.

What I mean is that I may WANT to knit, crochet, paint, sculpt, sew, or whatever-it-is-the-other-cool-moms-are-doing, but I can't.

No, really, I can't.

Let's take crocheting as an example, although I could replace that word with "knitting", "rug-hooking" or even "cross stitching": I decide to give it a go and buy all the supplies: the hooks, the yarn, the how-to book. I sit down and start to crochet. I get pretty good at making a long, skinny snake. But, after 10 minutes, I get hungry. I get thirsty. I want to check Twitter. My back hurts. My foot falls asleep. I get hungry again.

Guess where my crochet stuff is now? On a shelf, collecting dust.

My newest desire is a sewing machine. I could make so many cool things if only I had a sewing machine!

But, I know better.

I know I'll make a couple of dolls for the kids, maybe even sew something useful, like a curtain. And then I'll get distracted, bored, stabbed by the needle. It'll go from being fun and interesting to a chore in the blink of an eye.

Why is this?

I can sit with a book for hours and read, read, read. But drag me to a store to look at yarn or, god forbid, fabric, and I'll weep like a hungry two year old. I still remember being dragged to a craft store with my mother and wanting to lie down on the dirty floor and take a nap while her and my sister oohed and ahhed over sequins or buttons.

But, I still want my kids to be surrounded by creativity despite my shortcomings.

So I'll pour my heart into creating themed birthday parties. We will celebrate holidays that aren't ours by religion or ethnicity. My natural tendency to abandon ship kicks in right around the time the holiday or party is over, so it's a win-win for us all.

This weekend, for instance, we'll celebrate Purim even though we aren't Jewish. I'll read the story of Esther to them, I'll make Robin's Hamentaschen and the kids' can dress up in their old Halloween costumes.

In a couple of weeks, I'll throw my newly 7-year-old a Rock Star party and will go all out with crafts and games. I'll have fun planning it, but will be so glad when it's over.

But, no matter what I chose to do, you can be assured it won't involve a knitting needle or shiny new sewing machine.

It's good to have foraging friends

I don't normally eat things I find growing outside.

Those black berries? Will kill you.

See these mushrooms? Don't even touch!

But, on a recent hike with three other families, I dined al fresco on things we found outside. Things I never, ever would have put in my mouth before.

And it was good.

First we found Hickory Nuts. These round green leathery things just fall out of a (stop me if you know this) Hickory Tree (the Shagbark Hickory in our neck of the woods). The cover pulls away and there is a hard tan nut inside.

Hard tan nut

You just crush the nut with a rock (or, um, your foot) and eat the nut meat inside. We were all like little rabid squirrels trying to get the edible stuff out of the crushed shells.

Then, one of the nature-smart moms looked across the field, pointed and told us to "go!". So, we went.

Everyone gathered around the bush with the silvery green leaves.

faces swirled on purpose; my friends don't really look like this

This bush had Buffaloberries all over it. They were red with little yellow dots on them, like speckled jelly beans. They were sour and yummy and plentiful. We ate them like hungry bears.

aren't they gorgeous?

I may not be able to live in the wild for a week, but I did appreciate learning a few new things. Although, I don't care who I'm with: I'm never eating a mushroom we find in the woods.

Finally, of all the cool things we learned, my favorite is this:

My little boy just loves big, furry caterpillars.

Come You-Tubing With Me

If I don't see the sun soon, I may develop a permanent twitch.

If you are in the same boat (ha, no "ark" reference intended), you may want to waste a little time watching some of my favorite You Tube videos of kids' music. With the kids, of course.

OK, I shared mine, will you share yours with me?

Because what is missing from Valentine's Day is a little deceit

Christmas has Santa

Easter has the Bunny

St. Patrick's Day has Leprechauns

Valentine's Day has. . . .the Mysterious Power of Love? Eh. . .

When Belly was a toddler, an online friend posted a Valentine's tradition that was so easy and flexible that I knew I had to try it out. We are now in our fifth year, and now the kids expect it. You'd think I'd be better prepared for it each year.

It does involve a bit of deceit, so if you are someone who thinks Santa and his ilk are terrible lies for children to believe, you may want to stop reading now.

OK, here is what you do to make your very own Valentine's Day Lollipop Plant:

1. A few days before Valentine's Day, give you child a small empty flower pot.

Procrastinator version*: the night before, take your saddest looking house plant and, without letting the kids see, pull it out of the soil and throw it out into the backyard to serve as compost.

2. Let the kids decorate the outside of the pot with stickers, markers, glitter glue.

Procrastinator version*: skip this step; it is almost bedtime!

3. Once the decorations have dried, carefully fill the pot with several inches of fresh potting soil.

Procrastinator version*: search garage, basement and shed for potting soil, to no avail. Either reuse the soil that was once the life force of the dead plant now lying in your backyard, OR, go into the yard with a spoon and chip off a half-inch of hard dry dirt from the frozen ground.

4. Give your child some tiny cinnamon hearts and have him push some into the dirt. Blow a kiss and water them a little bit.

Procrastinator version*: Oops! No cinnamon hearts? Use anything sprinkly or red and hope your kid is too young to notice the difference.

5. If you have started your plant a few days before Valentine's Day, you can make the plant start to grow over several days. The first night, cut up a few lollipop sticks into various heights. The first night, put the smallest sticks in the dirt so that the plant seems to be 'sprouting'. The next night, replace those sticks with slightly longer sticks. . .keep this up for a few days.

Procrastinator version*: You did not start your plant a few days before Valentine's Day.

6. The night before Valentine's Day (Valentine's Eve?), replace the sticks with several beautiful lollipops. Go to bed and know that you will be woken to the delighted shrieks of "it grew! it grew!"

Procrastinator version*: The night before, sneak out to the local CVS after the kids have fallen to sleep and buy the last sad bag of lollipops (which are not red, heart shaped or have anything to do with Valentine's Day but beggars can't be choosers). Fall asleep but wake with a jolt at 6am and realize you forgot all about the damn plant. Tiptoe down the stairs, and carefully jam some pops into the dirt. If necessary, shield the plant from view with your body as you do this so your child does not see him mother's lame attempt at creating "magic".



7. Let your beloved eat lollipops before 8am. They will love you for it.



* taken from personal experience

Concerts and Nuts

Twenty-four years after seeing him for the first time, I will again see Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band perform in August. I haven't bought a single piece of his music since that "Born in the USA" tour, but I'm still tickled. Wonder if he'll finally realize he should've pulled me on stage to dance oh-so-many years ago?

And, after the brouhaha over my peanut post and Mrs. N's comments, I thought it a strange coincidence that I saw this article today. Maybe the peanut butter should be shelved for a while after all.

Cheaper Than Therapy

"Think of this as marriage insurance".

Spending the night in Boston isn't cheap. Hotel, parking, dinner, drinks, more drinks, breakfast. . . these things add up. And, yet, I think of it as an insurance policy that we pay into---an agreement that once (maybe twice?) a year, we'll steal away for about 24 hours to just focus on each other.

So, yeah, expensive, but worth every penny. Plus, we got this cool drink recipe from the bartender at Moo in Beacon Hill. It has the unfortunate name of Hoopty Doopty, but after a couple, you won't care what it is called:

1/2 oz Orange Blossom Honey
3/4 oz Lime Juice
3/4 oz Apple Cider
2 oz 10 Cane Rum
Fresh Mint

Mix the honey, lime juice and apple cider together before adding the mint. Muddle the mint and then add rum. There may or may not have been ice.

Re-entry though is a bitch. The kids were (somewhat) happy to see us come home, but were too enthralled in the movie my mom had put on for them. There were way too many arguments today, and I was ready to head right back out to see if my hotel room was still available. Instead I wrote this post for New England Mamas about what I did with my bounty of vegetables this week.

Hoopty Doopty!

Can I Get a Second Chance?

A homeschooling family we don't know very well came by to borrow a curriculum we aren't using. Before they arrived, I told the kids to pick up their toys a bit since we were making a "first impression".

"When you meet someone for the first time, you don't want to be wearing dirty clothes and have food in your teeth. Well, the same goes for your house." (I believe this is a Confucius quote).

"Yeah, yeah", they grumbled as little cars were thrown into a basket.

The family arrived, and we all crowded into the living room as the two youngest (our sons) decided they wanted to play trains. Belly tried to help set up the track with them as we watched. As she was about to finish the track, she noticed that she was faced with two pieces that would not join together.

"Mommy, we have two female ends, but we need a male or they won't go together."

Oh crap. At that moment I realized that most families probably do not use genitalia to describe their train tracks (hey, think of how easy explaining reproduction will be! "The mommy track waits for the daddy track. . ."). I cringed but said nothing.

Shortly after, the girls all ran giggling upstairs to play with dolls. I resisted the wicked urge to say, "boy, I hope they stay away from the guns, needles and porn" because I liked this mom and was not looking to scare her off. For the rest of the visit, we were all on our best behavior (except for D who refused to share his helicopter for no amount of bribing, begging or threatening).

After we were done discussing the curriculum, I took the mom upstairs to tell her girls it was time to go home. We entered the room, and I saw the girls happily playing with Barbies and horses and Little People.

And then my eyes traveled up the back wall of the room that used to be our office, but is now the kids' playroom. Here is what I saw:

Oh, hell.

My Hot, Steamy Vice

Wanna know the secret to my 'get up and go' in the morning? Read all about it at "My Ultimate" at New England Mamas. . .

C is for Cookie, Christmas and Calories

We just made our new favorite Christmas cookies after reading about them here. Typically, I bake cut-out cookies, and then the kids frost and decorate them. This is cute, but the cookies end up being so s-w-e-e-e-e-e-t. The frosting sends them right over the edge into sugar overload.

In this case, the kids got to paint their cookies before they were baked (we used new Crayola paint brushes, but next year, I'll spring for some expensive brand since the Crayola's tended to drop bristles onto my cookies! Grrrrrr. . .).

The kids loved painting their food. Here is Jilly, hard at work:

And here is Belly, with her culinary masterpieces.

Check out this cute little guy. He has no idea I'm about to bite off his head.

After the cookies were baked and cooled, we decorated them with little dots and lines of sugary icing. I think next year we'll have to make a quadruple batch since these were completely gone within three days. I think they should be called "Gone Before Christmas Cookies".

My Ultimate: Best Pizza Evah

Check me out here today. Unless you should be finishing your Christmas shopping. . .

Sure Beats Raffi

When we finally bit the bullet and decided to buy a minivan back in '04, we were asked, "Do you want the optional DVD player?"

I looked at my sweet girls who were pleading "yes, yes, yes" with their eyes, turned to the salesperson and said, in no uncertain terms, "Hell, no!"

Most of you know that I am not a "TV hater". I admit that I am conflicted about television----laughing uproariously with "America's Funniest Home Videos", basking in the quiet of three children watching "Curious George" and tsk-tsking the antics on shows like "Keeping Up With the Kardashians".

Highbrow, I am not.

On the other hand, I wish my kids didn't want to watch TV as much as they do. My oldest negotiates her TV intake as if her life depends upon it.

I knew a DVD in the car would be an endless source of whining, begging, pleading and general pain-in-the-ass frustration. My idea of using it "only for long trips" would turn a trip to the Target down the street into a "long trip". So, I nixed the idea right away.

However, after months and months of children's music CD's, I was ready to shoot myself (most of the CD's I like have a pesky "Parental Advisor" stickers on them; we tried the Classical Music station for a while, until I developed a twitch).

So, I turned to something we all seem to enjoy: books . . .or, more specifically, audio books (which I stubbornly still call "Books on Tape" even though we only listen to CD's). With our library card, we have borrowed hours and hours of great literature that is read over the speakers of our car stereo.

In honor of Children's Book Week, which will run November 12-18th, I will run down the titles we have heard, along with some comments. These books are listen in the order of when we listened to them.

The Little House Series: If you want to commit to audio books, this is a great way to start. Beginning with Little House in the Big Woods and ending with The First Four Years, we listened to ten separate audio books about Laura Ingalls and her family (one of the books, Farmer Boy, covers Almanzo Wilder's younger years). This is pretty safe stuff for young kids to hear; some mild corporal punishment and loads of drama---after hearing The Long Winter, I vowed that I will never, ever complain that my car does not heat up fast enough on a snowy morning.

Charlotte's Web: Even if you know this story inside and out, or have seen the movie on the big screen, this is well worth a listen. Read by the author himself, E.B. White has a wonderful voice that brings his characters to life. Belly and I both wept when Charlotte died.

Five Little Peppers and How They Grew: I probably would not have been able to sit down and read this as a chapter book. However, as an audio book, its 'quaintness' and formal speech are easier to digest; we really did grow fond of this story. However, remember that language has changed quite a bit in the past 100 years and do not take a slurp of coffee as the narrator reads, "Joe ejaculated . . ." In this case, "ejaculate" means "to exclaim". Now get your mind out of the gutter.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn: This is where I wish I still had a brain. Nothing like putting in a CD and wondering, "hmmmmm. . .what age is this book written for?" just as the "N" word is uttered into the confines of our minivan. "Ejaculate, I mean, eject that disc rightaway! Sorry kiddos! Nothing to see here". . .

The Trumpet of the Swan: How is it that I made it to the age of 40 and never even heard of this book? Another E.B. White title that is read by the author, The Trumpet of the Swan is the kind of story that gives me goosebumps when I think of it. The premise sounds ridiculous: a Trumpeter Swan named Louie is born without a "voice", i.e., he cannot trumpet. Despite this rather large handicap in the swan kingdom, he goes on to achieve great fame and fortune, and plays a pretty mean trumpet as well. You must hear this story.

The Mouse and the Motorcycle: A sweet, short story about a mouse who communicates with a little boy. Oh, and there is a motorcycle, too.

The Secret Garden: Starts off with a very unlikeable main character who goes through major transformations after being orphaned. Beautifully written and unforgettable.

The Magic Tree House Series: Book Listening Lite. Easy to understand with likable characters who time-travel in a tree house. Got a bit sick of hearing the lead character say, "Oh, Man!" every time he was amazed, but my kids were entertained.

Peter Pan: I was surprised at how much I disliked this story. First, it is WAY too graphic for young children---people are threatened with death, stabbed and even killed in large slaughters. Peter Pan speaks about mothers in a very derogatory way, and comes across as a little prig. I had seen Peter Pan performed on stage when I was 6 (Cathy Rigby was Peter Pan), and remember it as delightful. The book itself? Not so much.

A Little Princess: By the same author of The Secret Garden, there are a few similarities in this book (both star an orphaned girl from India living in England). I knew my daughter would love this book based on its title, but the heroine in this story is more kind and quirky, than royal and aloof.

We currently have The Tale of Despereaux: Being the Story of a Mouse, a Princess, Some Soup and a Spool of Thread all queued up and ready to go in the van. If there are any other books you can recommend, I'd love to hear about them.

My Life in Bands

The recent musical meme, along with my trip to see Elton John have made me a bit nostalgic for the days when I used to see bands perform live quite often. A normal person may think back over their life and muse, "I've seen so many concerts, there is no way I could remember them all".

Alas, I am no normal person.

Somewhere along the line, I started to keep a journal of every band I saw. These pages, like in any journal, contain things that make me laugh and things that make me shake my head in shame, as in, "how could you?". I am a sucker for 'free' tickets and will go to just about any show as long as I can find alcohol when things get tough. There are also bands whose shows I totally do not remember.

So, here goes. The complete(ish) list of the bands I have seen perform live in my lifetime (not chronological; I'm not THAT organized). And commentary when it is warranted (and don't be alarmed if there are a ton of bands you have never heard of on this list; there are many Boston/Providence bands because that's where I've spent most of my time):

small factory (sigh, RIP)
Amazing Royal Crowns (double sigh, RIP)
Dambuilders (oh crap, do any bands stay together?)
Scarce (shoot me now; am I a curse that causes bands to implode?)
The Wolfgang Press (surprise! gone!)
Nirvana (you guessed it!)
Foo Fighters (finally! still performing)
Mike Watt (with Eddie Vedder AND Dave Grohl as guest musicians)
Juliana Hatfield
Pearl Jam
Nine Inch Nails
The Band (up on cripple creek, y'all!)
Ministry
The Swingin' Neckbreakers
Herman the German
The Kinks (my first show! 14 and drunk on peppermint schnapps!)
Bryan Adams
Jesus & Mary Chain
John Cafferty
Bruce Springsteen
They Might Be Giants
The non-pareils
Consolidated
Lionel Ritchie (hanging head in shame)
Gloria Estefan (hiding under chair)
John Denver (running out of room screaming)
Buffalo Tom
Frank Black
Belly
WEEN
King Missile
Indigo Girls
Violent Femmes
Soul Asylum
EMF
B52's
The Cure
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Primus
Dinosaur Jr.
Phantom Surfers
Reverend Horton Heat
The Wedding Present (LOUDEST. . .SHOW. . .EVER)
Luna
Helium
Concussion Ensemble
The Halo Bit
til Tuesday
The Alarm
The Neighborhoods
Harry Pussy (my most confused show)
Mary Lou Lord
Mary's Danish
Throwing Muses
Angry Salad
Cliffs of Doneen
Dada
The Breeders
Robin Hitchcock
Billy Bragg
Velocity Girl
Tsunami
Velvet Crush
Blair's Carriage
Robert Cray
Squeeze
Combustible Edison
Rod Stewart
The Itchies
P.J. Harvey
The Friggs
Gene Loves Jezebel
The Smithereens
Buddy Guy
Rhythm Child
Tuxedo Buck
Black & White
Young Neal & The Vipers
Eight to the Bar
Fudge
Cola
Swirlies
Possum Dixon
Hootie and the Blowfish (oh dear, here we go again)
R.E.M. (really??? was it a good show???)
Flora Street
Versus
Moby
Hole
Sonic Youth
Tuscadero
Jesus Lizard
Elastica
The Fathoms
The Dogmatics
One Ton Shot Gun
Swamp Girl
Pickle
Plum Factory
Butthole Surfers
The Toadies
Lunachicks
Blind Melon
The Specials
Morphine
Phish
NY Loose
Buck & the Black Cats
Soul Coughing
Firewater
Skavoovie and the Epitones
Allstonians
Big D and the Kids Table
Bim Skala Bim
The Agents
Less Than Jake
Mephiskapheles
Toasters
Reel Big Fish
Spring Heeled Jack
Save Ferris
Echo and the Bunnymen
Cherry Poppin' Daddies
Southern Culture on the Skids
The Fixx
Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Rancid
Dropkick Murphys
Lords of Acid
My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult
Sex Pistols
Pixies
Dave Matthews
Elton John
and, how could I forget? The Wiggles

There you have it. 135 bands over 26 years. Definitely not a record, but it's about all my poor, punished ears could handle.

So, anyone I need to add in the next 26 years to rounds out my list and make my concert life complete?