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I left my mojo in New York City

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Fairly Odd Mother

Frantically waving my magic wand to make wishes come true.

Monday, August 16, 2010

I left my mojo in New York City


Earlier this month, I made the annual pilgrimage to the whoa-this-is-huge conference known as BlogHer. Most of you know what I'm talking about, but just in case you are not sure, let me assure you that this is a real conference. There are panels and workshops and keynotes and a big expo with booths.

Yes, there are also parties and goofiness and screeching and hugging, something you may not get at, say, the American Convention of Meat Processors. But, this not one big pillow fight or swag fest, no matter what anyone says.

I had some wonderful moments. I ran the most meaningful almost-5k I've ever run for a little boy named Tanner. I came in second place in the most ridiculous dance-off ever and even have video to prove it. And, I reconnected with old friends, met new friends and babbled embarrassingly to bloggers I was determined to meet this year, even though I consider them to be Out Of My League.

And now I am home.

I've downloaded my BlogHer photos to Facebook and uploaded the dancing videos to YouTube. I've unpacked, mostly. I've read many blog posts about the conference where the one word I keep seeing is: Inspired.

Which leads me to this: Why don't I feel inspired?

I don't feel "uninspired", I just feel stuck. I feel like nothing I could possibly write could be of much worth after seeing and hearing what others are doing. While I'm banging away on the keys, others are writing about humanitarian trips or important political issues. They are changing lives with their words. They are writing books or poetry or essays that make people gasp, cry, laugh, think.

I can't be the only one who is left feeling, not bigger and built up and part of one collective, but smaller and somehow diminished. And, I don't blame BlogHer one bit; I think it's got a lot more to do with me than the conference (can you tell I'm going to counseling? so much more introspective!)

I'll get over it. I did last year after Chicago's BlogHer, when I swore I wouldn't be going to BlogHer 2010.

Though, right now, I think I'll sit out the next conference. I think I'd rather hold onto my fragile mojo.

Labels:

10 Comments:

Anonymous Boston Mamas said...

C, I have heard that post-blog conference attrition -- people quitting blogging after feeling diminished by a conference -- is common. I haven't seen evidence of it myself but I have heard of it from a number of people.

But don't you go doing that. You're too talented. The mojo will come back.

Hugs, Christine

6:14 AM  
Anonymous Julie B said...

Your Mojo will come back as soon as you stop comparing your fabulous self to all those other fabulous-selves you met at blog her.
You are too good to doubt yourself!

((HUGS))
*whistle whistle* here mojo.... here mojo....

:-P

10:56 AM  
Blogger Issas Crazy World said...

I found my mojo. However? I lost mine after last years conference for a long time.

You'll find it friend. I promise. If you need me too, I'll put up missing posters for you.

ps. You are fabulous. And amazing. And I adore you. That is all.

12:25 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Q. said...

Mojo schmojo. You do just fine wearing the 157 hats you do. I'm sure some of the other bloggers envy things you do as well. Learn from what we tell our children: you do it because you enjoy it, not because what everyone else does.

7:23 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I recently drove by a local hotel where this was written on the sign outside: Welcome Mid-Atlantic Shriner Clowns!

Do you feel like maybe that would have been more your style?

Cause, I'm sure they're having their annual conference next year & I'd be happy to put in a call and see if there are any rooms available at that hotel. :)

Let me know. LOL

7:32 PM  
Anonymous OQMom said...

It's all relative honey! Like you have many that inspire you, you inspire many - with your honesty, openness, wit, dogged determination and compassion. Hang in there, be kind and patient with yourself.

8:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interestingly very few of those other bloggers ever made it into my bookmarks. I read your blog because you're not trying to be fabulous, just you. And I've really admired you calling out for causes and hosting a strange kid in your house for a week. As a former homeschooler I also know what that takes, so maybe while everyone else is blogging while their kids are away for 6 hours you're being a parent? Not a bad thing, but I remember how hard it can be to find the feelings of accomplishment in that. I hope you don't feel discouraged for too long!

Kirsten A.

8:58 PM  
Anonymous useyourwordsmom said...

I discovered your blog over the last year...and adore it. Why? Because it is honest. And real. And your story is uniquely yours. Each element-the way you care for your kids, educate them and raise them brings another aspect of connection for the rest of us. I wasn't at BlogHer. But I know your blog. And it is wonderful.

6:19 AM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

Thanks guys. I really appreciate your comments.

I hesitated to post this b/c, no matter how I phrase it, it sounds like "wah. . .I'm not good enough, big enough, funny enough, wah, wah, wah". But, I've felt like this both times I've left the conference, and tried to put into words that feeling that washed over me after I left. In one way, I never want to leave and in another, I never want to go back.

7:28 AM  
Blogger Jessica Nunemaker said...

I haven't made it yet to any of the blogging Events (with a capital "e").

I worry that I will have nothing in common with any of them...and what on Earth would we talk about? I don't really hobnob with bloggers...

I hadn't heard that it can make you feel like a deflated balloon -- but I totally "get" why.

Hm.

7:06 AM  

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