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Fairly Odd Mother

Frantically waving my magic wand to make wishes come true.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

The Abyss

I often struggle with how much I want to share on this blog, knowing that family, neighbors and friends read it occasionally. So, like I've done most of my life, I swallow whatever I'm feeling and it comes out later in another way. . .either by continuing to grind my teeth into nibs while I sleep, by yelling at the kids for nothing, staring at the computer screen for hours with no purpose, or bursting into tears over the slightest thing.

I remember when I was 16 and my mom turned 40. She went through a period where she seemed to hate me. I mean HATE me. She barely spoke to me and seemed genuinely pissed off at the world.

I blamed menopause at the time, not realizing that she was far from menopause.

I'm a little bit older than she was at the time. And, I don't hate my kids, or my life, or myself.

But, man, am I in a funk. I want to go to bed, put the covers over my head and not reappear for a week. I want to get a full-time nanny who will play games with the kids. I want to go and meditate on a mountain until I feel like myself again.

I'm not excited about the end of summer. I'm not looking forward to homeschooling or the September schedule. I'm not exercising because, what's the point when I'll have little-to-no time to keep it up in September? I don't feel like going out or calling friends.

The kicker? I took the kids for ice cream yesterday and it didn't look appealing, so I didn't order myself anything.

As the Wonderpets would say, "this is seewious". I hope I can claw my way back out of this soon because I'm beginning to dislike being around myself. And, I can't blame anyone else if they feel the same.



Blogger AnnetteK said...

That funk is contagious, I've had it for awhile. I feel like I've taken on too much and I can't ever finish anything so why bother trying.

11:38 AM  
Anonymous Aunt Barb said...

Maybe share with your doctor. Many experience what you're feeling on occasion and it could be sort of a chemical inbalance in your system which can be righted with something like Lexapro for awhile. It sure helped me once.

2:59 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Hey! If you're going to be part of "Team Jessica" I need you at full strength!

Just kidding. :)

All moms feel this way at some point--and the ones who say they don't are fibbing. You'll be time.

3:31 PM  
Blogger The Mom said...

I know exactly what you're talking about. I think its perimenopausal in many ways. For me, I had to back away from a few things and take some time for myself. Its hard to take time for yourself and its hard to realize at a certain point you aren't wonder woman.

Its ok to feel like this, it just means that you need to re-order your priorities and say no to a few things. Totally normal. When I was going through this a few months ago, I had a long talk with our friend from down under. She was very wise on the subject and helped me deal with it in a much better way than I had.

5:49 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...

There must be something going around because I could have written this. Honestly I'm kind of sick of hearing my own screeching voice.

But any day - Steel cage match. 'kay?

7:09 PM  
Anonymous mrs. q. said...

We were just talking about how our mom's generation dealt with the kids, no career and do-nothing husbands. They popped valium. "Mommy's little helper" was not the junior babysitter down the street.

We've got to go for drinks. You are still hilarious, interesting and fun. You just need a different audience.

8:38 PM  
Blogger The Communications Officer said...

I've had phases like this too. We all do.

If it's been longer than 2 weeks: go to your doctor. Pretty please.

9:42 PM  
Blogger The Communications Officer said...

Huh. How come my user name has changed? Weird. It's me: Subspacebeacon.

Off to tweak my profile.

(Hehhehehe. That sounded rude)

9:43 PM  
Blogger Suburb Sierra said...

Chin up. This too shall pass. Some funk cycles just take longer than others and there's nothing wrong with wanting to hide under the covers for a week...or 10 days...or a month...or til Christmas....your covers are big, I'll be right down.

10:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Ugh. I get that way too, and I haven't quite hit 30 yet. I'd blame it on SADS like my mom does, but I kinda just went through one this summer... and hello? The sun's all bright and shiny in the summer.

Hope you start feeling more up soon...

4:16 AM  
Blogger Patois said...

I'm sorry for the funk. I hate when I get the funk. Here's hoping you turn into a Funky Chicken soon enough.

10:40 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Sorry to hear your feeling off. I hate feeling that way. I think Sept. is hard for us because we have the pressure of getting into a new curriculum routine, adding another kid to teach and trying to find the balance between too much "extra" stuff and not enough. Hope you feel better soon and seriously, if you want the kids to come play here for a day and you can just pull the covers over your head, it would be fun and my kids would love it!

2:59 PM  
Anonymous Julie said...

While some Moms are counting down the days until our kids go back to school and out of our hair (I'll miss them, I really will) you are looking at starting the next the year of homeschooling 3 kids! Don't beat yourself up, I'd be in a funk too! Relax, feeling in a funk isn't unusual, but if it lingers, do see your Dr. Ok?

Maybe a girls night out reunion is in order here?

9:00 AM  
Blogger Mama Goose said...

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. There must be something in the water... I have been feeling off lately too. I know it will pass, but the nanny sure does sound good right now.

Hang in there.

10:36 AM  
Blogger Issas Crazy World said...

Honey, I'm so sorry. I've been there. Still am in some ways.

If you can't fight your way out of it soon, talk to someone about it. It's sucky, but it does help.

Tons of hugs to you.

5:12 PM  
Blogger Life As I Know It said...

I'm familiar with the funk. The funk and I go way back.

Hope you're feeling better.

3:41 PM  
Anonymous Audrey at Barking Mad! said...

OK now I have the Wonderpets song in my head. Do you know how HARD I have to work to get rid of that thing? *lol*

In all seriousness, I think you know that I know this feeling. Ya know?

And that sentence was brought to you by the letters W I N E. Sorry about that.

Like Aunt Barb said, share with your doctor, even if it's just to get it out. And when compelled, share with us. And if you feel compelled to run away even further north, you're always welcome to stop by the asylum. The beaches around here are beautiful and the lobster is plentiful! Oh and so is the wine!

9:22 PM  
Anonymous coffeejitters said...

I often struggle with how much I want to share on this blog, knowing that family, neighbors and friends read it occasionally. So, like I've done most of my life, I swallow whatever I'm feeling and it comes out later in another way. . .either by continuing to grind my teeth into nibs while I sleep, by yelling at the kids for nothing, staring at the computer screen for hours with no purpose, or bursting into tears over the slightest thing.
Story of my life... have you been eavesdropping on my brain? :)

2:22 AM  
Blogger Gray Matter said...

Since I've clearly been up my own butt for the past few weeks I only just read this post and I am so sorry to hear how difficult things have been. Although I do have the benefit of knowing that your trip to the Cape helped alleviate some of the sadness.

I'm reading "Rage Against The Meshugena," by Danny Evans right now and he talks about what going headlong into a truly crushing depression feels like. I've been there and chose medication and therapy as a way to treat it.

As Moms our lives are more complicated than they appear from the outside, it's no wonder this is literally the third "depression" post I've read tonight.

I'm here for you.

8:03 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicken said...

I'm late reading this, because I am also in this place right now. Hoping the crisp fall air helps us both shake it off.

9:27 PM  

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