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Fairly Odd Mother

Frantically waving my magic wand to make wishes come true.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

I Love My Type B Kids

To my children,

There's been a lot of talk lately about us moms being "bad" or "Type B" which I take to mean that we aren't fitting into what society has tried to feed us as the New Rules of Mothering. Instead, we may let you watch too much TV, eat sugary cereal, jump on the couches, go outside without the right coat, pick your nose, or draw all over your body with magic marker, all in an attempt to eke out a little "me" time to work, meditate, watch Oprah, sneak cookies or whatever.

And, while I can't speak for everyone, I think I'm getting good results for my less-than-perfect effort. You guys are good kids, even with my lack of patience, short attention span, intermittent distractedness, and penchant for using electronics to buy myself some time alone.

I know I could do some things to be a better mom, but this isn't a one-way street kiddos: you could step up your game too. In other words, if you want your mom to become that Perfect Specimen of Motherhood, you're going to have to make some changes too.

For example,

1. If I cheerfully ask if you've done your morning chores, you will not look at me blankly, as if you've never heard the term "morning chores" even though we both know that they are written on a piece of paper hanging outside your bathroom door.

2. If I carefully create a full-course dinner with representation from all the major food groups using organic foodstuffs, you will eat it all cheerfully and proclaim me the best cook ever. You will not tell me that "dinner is yucky", refuse to touch anything on your plate and then whine that you are h-u-n-g-r-y after I've cleaned up the dishes.

3. If we sit down to play a rousing game of Candy Land for the 10th time of the morning, you will not flip the board over in protest when you end up with Plumpy. No, a Type A Mother would not shuffle the cards to send you back to the beginning.

4. If I were to shut off your Lego Star Wars video game or your Webkinz session because I just want to spend more quality time with my children, you will not proclaim that I am "stupid" and that you want to "kick" me.

At bedtime, if I were to make it through our multi-step bedtime routine of PJ's- brush teeth - story without yelling or complaints, you will not then jump all around your room until 9pm. No, a Type A child goes straight to sleep and does not wake her Type A mother until 8am.

See what I mean?

So, when you are ready to become a Type A child, just let me know and I'll see what I can do. And, if you'd rather keep things the way they are, I'm ok with that too.

In fact, I'm better than ok with that.

Now, shhhh, I have this Tweet to answer.

Love, Mom


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Blogger Mom101 said...

Is there a best post of the week award? Because I give it to you.

It will be lopsided and uneven and not really anything worth showing off but reeeeeally well meaning because it was made by another Type B mom.

9:14 PM  
Blogger Loukia said...

THANK You for writing this! Loved this post. Seriously! I try so hard to be 'perfect' and good and not yell and not lose my patience, but after a while, come on! I agree with Mom 101, best post of the week award goes to YOU!

9:16 PM  
Anonymous Boston Mamas said...

Hilarious! Perfection is totally overrated; life is much easier and happier when you let stuff go.

And yes, at least then the kids and grownups are (almost) playing by the same rules. -Christine

9:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good post. You're very funny.

Uhh...kind of off-topic and possibly contrary to the tone of this post, but what are their chores? Could you email me the list? Please. I'm subspace(dot)beacon(at)gmail(dot)com

On another note: why is my captcha: ringrat? Should I take that personally?

9:32 PM  
Blogger Karen MEG said...

Perfect post; type B is the place to be :).

9:34 PM  
Blogger Issas Crazy World said...

Yeah, I didn't think I could adore you any more than I already did, but now? Yeah. I do.

9:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post. Now I'm feeling all inspired. Type B moms unite!

Except we might need a Type A mom to organize us. Forget it, sounds like too much work. ;)

10:29 PM  
Blogger Lady Mama said...

I was trying to think of something to write about this topic earlier today, and couldn't think of or write anything nearly as eloquent as this. Anyway - yeah, this is what I wanted to say! Thanks.

10:30 PM  
Blogger Meredith said...

#2 - Oh.My.God. YES!

Thank you for making me laugh. And for reminding us all that these kids really need to pick up the slack. :)

10:48 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

Type A is highly overrated.

Give me real and slightly grimy anyway. Great post C.

2:30 AM  
Blogger Maria said...

I would love to know what the chores are too, and for which age. Cause we need us some of that action around here and I'm too lame to know what's appropriate.

Also, they only jump around til 9pm?? You're SOOO type A! My kid jumps around til 10 on a good day.

9:18 AM  
Blogger Patois said...

Type B moms of the world unite!

9:59 AM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

I feel like we should have a secret code whenever we see a mom losing control of her kids in public---go up and tap her on the shoulder and gently say, "It's ok; they're Type B." We may get slugged the first 100 times but eventually it may catch on!

And, I sent this to Subspace, but since Maria also asked, I'll post here what I wrote:

Their chores are pitiful, miniscule, teeny tiny easy things which is why it drives me crazy they can't remember them. (the stuff in parentheses is what I tell them almost daily)

1. Get dressed (dirty clothes in hamper)
2. Brush your Teeth (preferably wipe up the spit toothpaste and put things back in the right spot)
3. Make your bed
4. Eat Breakfast

I was paying them a dollar a week, but as a Type B mom, I not only forget to pay them, I also borrow money out of their little allowance bags all the time. Awesome.

10:50 AM  
Blogger The Gonzo Mama said...

Lord, I wouldn't know what to do with Type A children.

I think they would find my free-spirited behavior, dappled with inexplicable, neurotic bits of OCD so crippling, they'd call CPS and beg to be placed in foster care.

5:04 PM  
Blogger Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

I actually think there are MORE type B moms than type A. We're just too lazy to write about it as much as the Type A's...

7:11 PM  
Blogger SabrinaT said...

That is the BEST post I have seen in a long time..... humor aside it is totally true!!!!

I tried the chores/allowance gig. It didn't work, so now I have resorted to charging them to live with me!!!
Once the graduate college each one will be getting a bill!!!

11:06 AM  
Blogger Magpie said...

Slacker mom with a slacker kid - this post rings totally true.

8:57 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

Me too. Is there a Type C? Cause I might see what the qualifications are and lower my performance even further.

3:09 PM  
Blogger Borgstahl7 said...

When they were born, I had such type A plans and intentions! By elementary school, it was a good day if everyone was dressed in clean clothes, had eaten something at sometime, and we hadn't visited the er. Middle school expectations were lowered to "beating them is illegal". They made it through high school with no police records, pregnancies, or communicable diseases. Ah-ha! Success! 3 of the older 4 are in college and our 'lil oops is a fifth grader. We've come to actually LIKE the older 4 again, so I'm going to take a break and let them raise her. They certainly aren't shy about pointing out any and ALL mistakes we may be making in her life vs theirs. I'm not sure we even qualify for type B anymore. Grandkids may be the best revenge after all.

10:55 PM  
Blogger Trenches of Mommyhood said...


10:50 AM  
Blogger Joce said...

i love you, and your spot on honesty :)

2:11 AM  
Blogger Sus said...

LOL here at 2:40 in the morning picturing your kids saying they want to "kick" you, which is the best use of quotation marks in the history of punctuation.

Frannie picked up a(nother stupid) Dora book at the library today - this one about Thanksgiving. Dora was, first and foremost, thankful for her mami and papi. Is there anyone in your family that YOU are thankful for, reader, she asked? Nope. Not one. Daddy prompted her to say Mommy. Nope. Definitely not her.

Nice. Freakin' Dora.

1:42 AM  

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