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Fairly Odd Mother

Frantically waving my magic wand to make wishes come true.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Celebrity Worship

I could never handle being a real celebrity. Sure, I might like the fancy gowns, the maid staff or the stretch limos, but I could not handle the throngs of screaming fans. Day in, day out--people calling your name, trying to get your attention, never giving you a moment's rest or any privacy.

It occurs to me, though, that I am already experiencing this darker side of celebrity . . . in my own home.

Want proof? Let's see:

1) I routinely wake up to find one of my children standing over me, breathing on my face and just watching me sleep. They are apparently unable to resist my star power, even in the dead of night.

2) If I go upstairs and shut the children downstairs behind the beloved, I mean practical, baby gates, they stand at the bottom screaming, "MOMMY!" as if I am Beyonce, standing just out of their reach.

3) The children watch my every move, studying me to find out the latest trends in butt-wiping, nose blowing, and bra removal. They have been even known to rummage through my trash and exclaim, "Mommy, what is this?" as they remove whatever little trinket I am trying to rid myself of.

4) When I am running late for a premiere, or maybe just trying to get dinner on the table, they wrap their arms around my legs, forcing me to drag them around the room, 'ball-and-chain' style. If only I had a body guard. . .

5) Finally, I know I am a celebrity because my fans can so quickly turn on me when things go badly. If I am 'mean mommy' for a day, the tabloids will read, "STOOPID MOMMY" or "UR THE WURST MOMMY". They will sneer when I try to blow kisses or engage them in one of my performance readings of Goodnight Moon.

Fortunately, they soon return to their mommy worship.

And, I think I may be addicted to the limelight.

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Blogger Mom101 said...

This is wonderful! Best post yet!

10:43 PM  
Blogger Whirlwind said...

This is great! I feel like I need my own celebrity retreat away from my fans at times.

10:53 AM  
Anonymous Mrs. Q said...

Oh, honey. You just need to get all diva on them. Make them draw you a bath and mix your martinis.

10:11 PM  
Blogger BlogWhore said...

ditto to Mom101. this is an excellent post.

2:14 PM  
Anonymous Julie said...

Oh how this is so true.

You deserve the all fame you get from your little group of angels!

4:34 PM  
Blogger Meena said...

Love it! And so very true.

1:09 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Funny, and sadly familiar, we must have the same fan base!

1:33 PM  
Blogger big mama said...

Wow, this was funny. It's when we want to tear our hair out that we have to remember we are adored!

10:54 AM  
Blogger ShayShay said...

I only have the one wild fan. She's not old enough to write me hate mail, but I did get hit in the face with a shoe (which she picked out to match my own, so I guess I'm a celebrity fashion goddess too!) Very nice post.

7:52 AM  

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