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Fairly Odd Mother

Frantically waving my magic wand to make wishes come true.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Learning to Fly

I haven't yet moved to pharmaceuticals to get me into the air, but that may all change after my last flight.

My flight was scheduled to take off around 2:30. Ten minutes out, with no sign of a plane, it was pretty clear that we wouldn't be taking off on time. Thankfully, I found Sandy of Momisodes, at the gate too, so we kept each other company while we waited and waited.

Finally, a plane! And, I noticed with relief that there was a new, fresh flight crew ready to board the plane to take us to Chicago.

We boarded quickly, got seated and heard the doors close. And then, this:

"We're sorry but there is a problem with the windshield heater. . .blah blah blah".

I soon found myself back inside the airport. Not good.

"We're looking for a replacement part" turned into "We're looking for a replacement plane" turned into "We've found a part! Now we need to test it."

Oh, joy.

Finally, we got back on and the (very chatty) pilot decided to explain exactly what had happened and why it took so long to fix (I'd rather believe that the magical fairies who sprinkle flying dust onto the plane were just running late).

And, then he started to freak me out:

"I have found a new route that will shave off some time from this flight, plus I'm going to up the speed so that you guys won't miss your connections."

(my brain started to chant: "Titanic, Titanic, Titanic")

And then the clincher:

"And, I've gotten the ok to practice my throttle skills by landing this plane on a direct route, instead of circling the city first".

That's when I looked at the stranger next to me and sputtered, "the word PRACTICE should never, ever come out of the pilot's mouth while he is flying the eff-ing plane!".

So, next time. . .Valium or Ambien?



Blogger SabrinaT said...

My vote is for both!!! And, maybe double the dose.....

9:22 PM  
Anonymous Audrey at Barking Mad said...

Oiy! Ambien. You won't know what hit you...literally. Of course, you need to figure in the "Ambien Hangover" factor if you have any connecting flights! Just sayin'...

9:54 PM  
Blogger Issa said...

Valium or Xanax and booze. Is a winning combo.

This sounds like my flight with the girls to Disney in June. I almost said, I've loved being your mom to them mid-take off, but decided against it.

10:33 PM  
Blogger Whirlwind said...

At that point, you should have started to request vodka from the flight attendents!

5:29 AM  
Blogger Beck said...


6:40 AM  
Blogger said...

No DOUBT. I would have told the airline. That was really uncool of him.

I take it he stuck the landing? This isn't some post that you wrote before you landed alive??


8:46 AM  
Blogger Patois42 said...


9:44 AM  
Anonymous said...

Try ear plugs so you won't hear all those things next time :)

4:39 PM  
Blogger Momisodes said...

OMG. I didn't hear the pilot say "practice" and thankfully, I did not. I would have passed out.

I am SO glad you were there. I was seriously ready to walk out of the terminal and have my husband pick me up. THANK YOU for keeping me sane through all the waiting and anticipation.

And the flight? That pilot wasn't kidding about speed. Was it me, or did the plane feel like sitting in a Ford Focus pushing 150mph?

7:45 PM  
Blogger Mbdiamond said...

That's hilarious.... since you lived ;)

2:41 PM  

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