My Son Has No Friends

This is the story of D, the boy with no friends. It sounds like it'll be a sad story, but it isn't, so bear with me.

D is almost four and has never had a play date set up strictly on his behalf. Sure, he's been dragged from home to home, to dance lessons, gymnastics classes and homeschool coops. But, he has no single boy (or girl) that I can point to and say, "that's D's friend".

Do you feel sorry for him? Please don't.

Yesterday, while waiting for the girls' dance class to end, I watched D running around the dance teacher's back yard with two other girls his age. The three giggled, whispered, shouted and ran like old friends. And, yet, he will probably never play with them again.

In our coop, there are a few kids who he gravitates toward, but as all the kids play together regardless of age or gender, it's hard to say that D has a specific 'friend'. However, like in the teacher's back yard, he enjoys himself thoroughly with these children.

The interesting thing about D is that, while he is never alone, he can play on his own better than his two older siblings. He also is unafraid of older children; I think part of this is because he is in the company of older kids so much.

Socially, he seems just fine.

He also has a cousin, just eight months younger, who we see weekly. And while this is an 'arranged friendship', per se, I think it will be of the utmost importance as he grows older.

With my oldest child, I was very, very, very dedicated to making sure she had friends. We joined a play group when she was four months old. I called up acquaintances and set up play dates. I enrolled her in preschools, enrichment classes, story hours. I dragged her to children's events in town.

I can't even imagine doing this with my third. I'm too lazy and it seems too complicated. I rationalize that he has two older sisters----two 'built in' playmates. I'm not sure I have the patience to meet new moms with little boys, invite them into my home and make small talk about. . .whatever. I'm not doing the preschool circuit.

And while I may worry that I'm shortchanging him, that I should be more aggressive in 'finding' him friends, I doubt he shares any of my concerns. He's too busy trying to build a house of blocks or a road for his cars.