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My First Colonoscopy, Day Two: Much Ado About Nothing

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Fairly Odd Mother

Frantically waving my magic wand to make wishes come true.

Friday, September 07, 2007

My First Colonoscopy, Day Two: Much Ado About Nothing

After last night's post, which was full of poop and woe, I feel kind of silly posting tonight.

I think I get it now. . .prepping for a colonoscopy: kind of yucky; having the actual colonoscopy: as easy as taking a nap.

Seriously, once the sedatives were put into my body, I disappeared into la-la land, waking only to think, "Oh, this must be the beginning", but hearing the doctor say, "All done!"

I had planned to chat throughout the entire procedure, a la Katie Couric. Instead, I probably snored.

Once I had regained consciousness, I was relieved to hear that all looked good---one polyp was removed and will be biopsied, but this is apparently pretty common. I was on my feet and scarfing down an egg-and-cheese bagel sandwich before Fairly Odd Father's car drove us out of the parking lot.

One benefit of the fasting? It allowed me to see what a flat stomach looks like. Either that, or I hallucinated due to lack of food.

I am a bit worried that yesterday's post may have convinced some people never to have a colonoscopy, so I will attempt to reconvince those of you who feel this way.

First, fasting isn't THAT bad. You can eat popsicles, jello and drink soda! You can feel virtuous, like "my body is my temple and I will not eat for a whole day!" Plus, after I got through the night, I was no longer hungry in the morning (that is, until the bagel sandwich appeared in front of me).

Second, here is a tip for drinking down glass after glass of HalfLytely (the stuff that will 'cleanse' your system): pretend you are in college, at a bar. Grab your glass like a shot and drink it all---yes, all 8 ounces at once (you know you could do this at one time). As soon as the glass is empty, grab a piece of lime and suck it. The lime wipes away all the nasty taste from your mouth, plus you can almost pretend you just drank a tequila shot. If the fasting is going well, you'll be a bit dizzy anyway, so the illusion of drinking is there. If you repeat this every ten minutes, you will be finished with the solution in less than an hour and a half.

Third, make sure you have NO responsibilities after 6pm. Lock yourself in your bedroom and keep the path to the bathroom open. Watch tv, read, play on the computer, whatever. Light lots of candles in the bathroom for odor control. When you feel the rumbling, run for the bathroom. Repeat this until the rumbling quiets down. I was still able to get a decent night's sleep, with minimal interruption.

Finally, schedule your appointment for first-thing in the morning. My appointment was at 8am, and I was out of the hospital by 9:30. Just get it over with before you have too much time to wake up and worry about it.

All joking aside, do me one favor: ask your parents when they had their last colonoscopy, and if you are 50 or older (or 40 with family history), ask yourself. The procedure is so easy, mostly painless (even the cleansing was pain-free) and quick. Colorectal cancer is a horrible, terribly painful disease, and yet preventable with regular screenings. I lost my dad to it when he was only 62 years old and that was because he let too much time pass between his appointments. Don't let too much time pass for you.

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18 Comments:

Anonymous Angela said...

Glad to hear the procedure went smoothly. And how nice to be able to take a nap huh. ;)

I agree that they're important though. This is something you want to catch early. They can take care of it if it's early enough so I hear, and I've had a great-uncle die from it. Not the way I want to go.

It's worth it in the end. (Teehee, couldn't help myself.)

10:50 PM  
Blogger Beck said...

I slept through much of the pushing-out stage of labour with The Boy, which has convinced my husband that I can sleep through literally ANYTHING.
Glad to hear your tests went well and that there was nothing ontoward going on Down There!

6:54 PM  
Blogger Mary Alice said...

Yea for sedatives and naps!

7:14 PM  
Anonymous pinks & Blues Girls said...

So glad to hear that things went smoothly (good choice of words considering the subject, no?). Kudos to you for getting the word out about the importance of the procedure, and that it doesn't have to be a totally unpleasant experience.

Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls

9:36 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

I'm glad the procedure itself went well.

Good for you for doing it, and for reminding everyone else of its importance.

12:13 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

So important for everyone to know. Get a colonoscopy! My mom was only 44 when she was diagnosed and 51 when she died. I'll be getting my colonoscopy soon.

Oh yeah, Hurrah for a flat stomach!

7:05 PM  
Blogger Alex Elliot said...

I'm glad to hear that it went well. My grandfather died of colon cancer so I have to be screened at 40. Our older son is named after our friend who very sadly passed away at 30 from colon cancer.

7:32 PM  
Blogger Blog Antagonist said...

I'm glad to hear that everything went well. I am the worst of them at putting off stuff like that, but colonoscopies are so important. A close friend of mine, who is only 38, is dying of colon cancer that went undetected because he had absolutely no symptoms until it had reached stage 4. It was kind of a wake up call for me.

7:39 PM  
Blogger nuttnbunny said...

Glad it all came out ok ::snork::

nuttnhubby is coming up on five-oh. Will advise appropriately. :-)

8:39 PM  
Blogger Jen M. said...

Oh, I'm glad it went well.

And if I do it, I get a free evening with minimal interruptions?? SIGN ME UP!

11:59 PM  
Blogger PDX Mama said...

It's over!!! Hurray! Good for you.

Flat stomach, eh? Might be worth it to see that again!!!

2:12 PM  
Anonymous mrs. Q. said...

Glad it all went well. Three more years for me. Whee. We have lovely genes.

Turning 40. Colonoscopy. On the upside, I'm planning laser eye surgery after I turn 40. If I'm going to be over-the-hill, I minus well be able to see the way.

4:12 PM  
Anonymous Pinks & Blues said...

I loved your honesty and candor about it... if anything you made me want to make sure that all of my loved ones get this done. It's so important. I loved reading about your story - I hope that doesn't make me weird!!
- Audrey

9:26 PM  
Anonymous Rhea said...

I just had a colonoscopy, too! In fact, I blogged a whole bunch about it. I found the prep was awful, the procedure a breeze.

9:21 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Glad to hear that all went well.

(am refraining from making joke about it not being a shitty experience.)

(woops)

10:57 AM  
Blogger Life As I Know It said...

Glad to hear everything went well, and a good reminder to the rest of us.
Luckily I have a few more years...;)

12:25 PM  
Blogger Rock the Cradle said...

Doesn't sound so bad. I like how you planned it out.

I began to hum the theme to Mission Impossible when you wrote about sucking down glass after glass of HalfLytely. The lime. GREAT idea.

Now I have the James Bond theme song going through my head.

Did you take it shaken? Or stirred?

1:21 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

Great tip about the lime, why didn't I try that!? Oh wait, I can, in five years!

My dr. recommended mango sorbet, which worked, BUT she failed to say, "oh, and you will never be able to eat delicous Hagen Daz mango sorbet ever again." So sad.

I have a GREAT FEMALE GI doctor with five kids, if any of you are in southern New England get in touch and I can recommend her! Highly!

5:30 AM  

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