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If I Should Die Before I Wake. . .

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Fairly Odd Mother

Frantically waving my magic wand to make wishes come true.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

If I Should Die Before I Wake. . .

About two years ago, my mother gave the kids a little stuffed frog whose 'hands' are folded in prayer. When you squeeze his belly, he says,


"Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, With Angels watching through the night, Until I wake with morning light. Amen"

Old rhymes are hard to forget, though, and I often think, "If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take". At the end of this thought, the next one usually is, "and I pray that my kids don't go through all of my stuff".

You see, I'm a saver. Not of junk like old toasters or television sets or clothes that no longer fit. I save old memories: letters, journals, photos.

Ahhhhh, you say, isn't that sweet and sentimental. And, yes, it is sweet and sentimental. I imagine myself being about 80 years old, sitting on the floor of my bedroom and reliving all those innocent, crazy days when, at 15 or 25, I felt like my whole life had been decided for me because of 'X'. And, then I'll burn it all; or at least get rid of any incriminating stuff.

But, what if it isn't me going through all of my things? What if it is my husband or, gulp, my kids? Will they think the old love letters from my first boyfriend are sweet or totally depraved? What about journal entries which admit not recalling anything about the previous night-on-the-town? What about THE LIST?

Part of me thinks that it is important for my kids to know that I am not just the mommy who fixes them breakfast, kisses their boo boos and reads them stories. That, before them, I had a life that was full and wonderful and screwed up and colorful. Before them, I had a life that mattered to me.

So, for now, everything stays. I'll just be extra careful crossing the street.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Mom101 said...

Knowing who you were pre-kids, I understand the fear (and the list. ha!) entirely. But like you, I save it all. Maybe not for today or next year, but when your kids are adults I bet they'll love to know who you were as a person and not just a mommmy. I vote, Keep The Stuff!

10:45 AM  
Anonymous the Sistah said...

I say that prayer every night when rocking the baby, and sometimes forget and revert to the 'old' words. Man, that's one scary thing for a kid. Jeezch.

And I have old love letters, even though I'm not entirely sure where they are right now (better find 'em quick!) Maybe it's because my hubby didn't write letters. He was into making me mix tapes. I still have those.

10:53 AM  

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